I love hearing people who are new to BDSM, or just don’t know anything about it, discuss how it is just abuse or just a reason for freaky people to unleash their disgusting habits, and fantasies or they are bigots, or just cheaters etc. I mean how can someone be into bondage, and not Dominance, or be into service but not be hit with floggers. It is true, there are some that are just into the release of being tied up, or beaten with floggers, or be restrained with cuffs, and silk ties.
In my own personal relation, it is intertwined. I can have Dominance from my Master without any use of kinky things. We don’t need bondage, we don’t need the floggers because my submission is more than just fetish play. Granted the fetish play add that spice to our relationship that makes it that much more delicious.
Though I must admit it takes more than doing what you’re told, and a few spankings to say you’re in a Dominant/submissive relationship. It takes a huge dive into the trusts tank. Something you have to do blindly. Though the trust is truly needed, it is a struggle. I am sure I am not the only submissive that does struggle. In fact, we don’t get much credit for it. It takes a ton of strength to be submissive.
Dominants don’t always get recognition either. Do you know how much strength they have to have? To be in control of a submissive, you have to maintain protocol, learn what works for them, assess the scenes, make sure they are safe at all times, ALWAYS be in control of yourself, so you don’t hurt them, or anyone around you. Just as the submissive struggles to give up their ability to make decisions, and to fall in line, I am sure it is just as exhausting for a Dominant.
No wonder they need an annual Dominants Day Off, Day!!!
It takes so much strength in myself to surrender to my Master. Some days it doesn’t come at all, and those are days I just need him as my partner. Though I cannot be Dominated by just anyone. There is a lot that goes into it for me, more than just trust or strength. I need to know the person on an intimate level. By that, I don’t mean sex. I mean mentally, intimate. Stimulate my mind. Arouse my intellect. In fact, I find you more attractive when you just be yourself and display that you are proud to do it.
I also need to feel I am safe with you. It is no secret that I have survived abuse. So the feeling of safety is very important. Keep a strict regiment, I cannot handle chaos. I need structure, it is something that has been lacking in my life. My Master built trust with me, a foundation with me, which was more than just D/s. We started out friends and built up to what we are today.
There is talk in the future we MIGHT have play partners. He might let others use me for a scene. We might just unleash our kinky side, but one thing that has really aroused my fantasies is the idea of him commanding me to serve other Doms. Whether it is just domestic duties or sexual ones, is up to him.
I like to think I am a slut!!!
The idea of me just being used for pleasure arouses me, but I can face reality. I do not just put myself out there for every Tom, Dick or Harry. In fact, that is not me at all. Sure I talk a big game. My fantasies are all about Gang bang and being tossed to piles of men, but to do that on my own terrifies me. However, there is something more erotic when my Master says, you will do this. It makes me feel I serve him more!
I do have a desire to have my Master have his Dominant friends over for an afternoon lunch, and be the object of their conversation. YES, I do mean OBJECT!!! Which is something I don’t always like to say, because BDSM, Submissive, I am still a feminist? Go Figure!!! However, I wouldn’t mind once in a while in a consensual way, submit to being their Object for an afternoon. The idea to me is appealing.
I Do Have Limits!!! Though I have found out that the more I give in, the fewer limits I have!!!
Which is odd, when Master and I first got together, I had if I remember correctly about 70 Hard Limits. No one can say I didn’t know what I wanted and did not want. Today though I have maybe 4 – 5 hard limits, which are basic normal ones everyone has. I try more things and fall in love with more and more of my submission.
Though there are things I wish to improve on. My pain tolerance for one. Following orders..you know basic things, but the big thing. The one I want to work on the most is giving in. It is so hard for me to shut off, the every day, take charge of your life Deka. I want to be the, yes my Master, whatever pleases you my Master, sort of Deka, ALL the time. When I fail at this, I cry. It breaks my heart, and I really do not handle it so well.
I fall into a slight depression for a few days, because I failed in my duties to my Master. Which is something I never want to do? I used to have a friend, well someone I thought was my friend, that when my Master discussed me failing in my duties because I had a tantrum.
I am not perfect!!!
Though Master discussed it with him, that person had the nerve to tell my Master to just dump me and move on. Well, sorry for being human. I falter, I fuck up, but I can see it for what it is, apologize, beg forgiveness, take a punishment, and move the hell on, and try to improve myself. Usually, I give up, and usually, the Dom that owns me just let’s go and moves on.
This relationship has been so different for me. Master doesn’t give up, though he could if he wished. I haven’t given up either, though there were times I nearly did because I didn’t feel good enough for him. We have strived to work through every conflict, every misunderstanding, every hurt feeling, and we continue today to face adversity together, hand in hand, or leash in hand!!!
Master helps me work through my anxiety, and I try so hard to be his good girl!
I am responsible for myself. He is responsible for himself, and together we are both responsible for our commitment to each other. To honoring our contract, to holding each other accountable when we fuck up. To not make excuses, and to always no matter how hard it gets between us, not matter what problems we face, or people who point and stare at us, to stick by each other. Together we create on the whole unit. Without him, I am just a hollow half of something greater. I hope that in his eyes, I am the perfect completion to his puzzle, as he is to mine!!!
I Love You, My Master!!!