So back in the day when I was working with Sir InsideSeven, he told me that in my head there was a garden. The flowers were dead, and it was filled with weeds. He explained that the weeds were all my past traumas and relationships. During his mentorship, he stated I needed to de-weed my garden, churn the soil, and get ready to plant new flowers. The metaphor and concept of this were extreme, and I understood it greatly.
Before I could move on happily with a new relationship, I had to prepare myself. It is like building a house. You cannot build a house on faulty cracked foundation because the house will tumble down. So here he was, helping me to work through the weeds, one weed at a time. I had to process the trauma, the abuse, the pain, I had to accept that it happened. I had to understand what it did to me, and then pluck it out, and toss it away never again allowing it to control who I was, or who I was going to be.
It was not easy, in fact, it was one of the hardest things I ever had to do.
So time goes by, the weeds are slowly plucked out, we begin to churn the soil so new flowers can be planted. It was time to start moving forward with my life, and moving forward I did. With a new outlook on life, a new way of thinking and seeing things, most relationships, I felt pretty secure in who I was. I was now able to start looking for a new partner to share my life with.
I ended a relationship with someone I loved so deeply. Someone I considered my best friend, someone I had seen as my Dominant, but someone I just could not foresee me ever marrying, and being married was a need of his. I was heartbroken that it ended, but not in the way I thought I would be. It was still a loss, but I was grateful that I got to spend so many years with him, and the experiences we had, and the lessons it taught me. Normally I would be devastated, but this time, as sad as I was, I was also happy, and truly grateful.
Two years later, Silas would enter my life!
I want to say he is the new Gardner of my flower bed, but truly I cannot admit this. In reality, I think we both are. He tends to parts of my garden that I cannot reach, and truly I do the same for him. We both teach each other new things, we accept each other unconditionally, and at the same time, we grow together as flowers do. Usually, it is one or the other, but to me, that appears to be selfish. If I am not tending my own garden, then I am not working to better myself as a person!
I can admit however that being with Silas for the last three years has definitely changed me as a person. Before he entered my life I was bitter. I never forgave people for hurting me, I never gave people second chances, and for good reasons too. He taught me it was okay to forgive people. He taught me it was okay to tell people I do not want them around me. He taught me that it was okay to be vulnerable, to need someone, to ask for help when I needed it.
Most Importantly, He taught me what it meant to truly be loved, and wanted!
He helps me grow as a person, and he holds me accountable for my actions, but what I love the most about him is that he lets me be, who I am, and does not judge me for it. He values my opinions, respects my beliefs, and he is there for me when needed. I remember him working a twelve-hour shift, exhausted because the night before I had kept him up late, and this was when we lived two hours away. My brother passed away and I was so devastated, that right after work he drove right down. He does things like this, and I didn’t even have to ask him to be there.
So it is no surprise that I admit he likely does more for me than I ever do for him. Despite him saying different all the time. Yes, he is my Dominant, my Daddy Dom, my Master, my Owner, but he doesn’t just demand things. He reads me, he assesses my health and my ability at the moment. When I cannot serve as I desire that day due to health reasons, that is when he curls me into his arms and tells me to just relax, and let him take care of everything.
How did I get so lucky?
I do not know how I really got this lucky, all I know is that I am grateful and in love, and have experienced being so happy that I never want this to end. I see my future in Silas, I see us growing old together, and I for the first time in my entire life, since being with Silas am hopeful for the future we get to share together!