It isn’t what you wear!!! P.83

I used to never go to play parties, munches, dungeons, etc because I had no idea how I should dress. Whenever you see stuff online, photos, porn, etc you always witness them in fetish gear. Leather, Lace, Masks, Cuffs, blindfolds, etc etc etc. So I always felt if I did not have the proper attire I would never fit in, or be known as a submissive. How silly of a thought!

We go to our local dungeon every so often, and its casual. However there is a place I had wanted to go, but they have rules where you can ONLY come in wearing leather. So, guess that’s not the place for me after all. Sad, but true. Not everyone can afford nice leather outfits, and I am one of them. Rarely do I get to have something so nice like that. However, it’s their place, their rules, and I respect that.

That was then and this is now. Now I know it isn’t the clothing that makes the submissive. It is the heart of the person. I often wear jeans and nice tops when I am out in public. Sometimes skirts and dresses, which Silas prefers, since he enjoys me being more feminine, but never have I not felt submissive when dressing a certain way, and never has he said I was not submissive for dressing a certain way.

I need to be comfortable most of the time, and Silas affords me that.

So being little has helped me a bit, as I can wear ridiculous outfits if I want to, and still feel cute. I have a few select nighties that I wear to arouse him when I am feeling big, and slave-like, and of course, there is always my wolf tail butt plug when I need my owner. I can always of course just go naked, which is my preferred method of living. Clothes, bother me!!! I never feel unsexy for the most part, and I hardly ever do my makeup. So what Silas has, is an all natural submissive, little, pet, slave girl at home. He seems to be okay with it, and so am I.

Just because I don’t dress a certain way all of the time or do my hair and makeup 24/7 does not make me less of a submissive. Some haters will read this and laugh at me for it, but I don’t knock those girls who use all that makeup all the time. I just can’t fucking see to do it myself, so boom natural beauty for me seems to work. Plus on special occasions, Silas will do my makeup. So it is more special to me. This does not define me as a lesser submissive. Nor does dressing up all the time make anyone better. We are individuals and really it is about my service to my Master, and what he prefers that defines my submission. So why do I even care about other people’s opinions???

Truth be told, I don’t!!!

Silas once told me that it was hard for me to be seen submissive in his eyes because I could not kneel the way normal women do. I have a broken back, and broken knee, nerve damage, etc. So kneeling on my knees in set positions means I can’t walk for three days after. So we find other ways. Like my sitting between his legs on a cushion, while we watch television. He had me cut eleven inches off my hair to prove I could let go and let him be in charge. That was so hard for me. My hair is my favorite thing I love about myself. He brushes my hair before bed each night, though lately its been slack since he has been hurting.

We have tasks set up for me. Chores to do, dinner to cook. I have weekly inspections, etc etc etc. Silas shaves my legs and sometimes will bathe me, depending on the mindset we are in. Sometimes I bathe him. He always gets my snackies and juice when I am in little mode, and sometimes he will sit there and rub lotion all over my body because he knows I am always dehydrated no matter how much water I drink.

We have other rituals as well and sometimes they don’t feel like rituals anymore because of how intimate they are. Sometimes we just sit and color, or read books. He might be role-playing while I am curled up next time watching some of my favorite television shows. Sometimes I will play my phone app game, or browse Instagram while he is playing his Xbox. We have a very vanilla relationship on top of our D/s, and most often our Vanilla relationship wins out, because of LIFE, but our Dynamic though sometimes feels rocky, is never gone.

I feel I could have sex all day every day!!!

Which is frustrating because as life gets in the way I will be lucky if its twice in one week! Silas knows I am addicted to sex, and maybe this is his way of saying, I will get it when he wishes me to have it, or maybe LIFE just gets in the way. No matter our ups and downs, I love Silas. No matter our fights, or arguments, disagreements, or how much I hate some of the crap he does, and how much he hates some of the crap I do, our Dynamic always seems to works, our relationship lives on for another day, and in the end, I don’t want to share this world, and life with anyone else.